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2/12/2007 My GirlsIn my class and when I go for healings, my
healer and teachers talk about the inner child. A few years ago in pop
psychology, it was popular to talk about the inner child and letting
him/her out to play. There is truth to that, adults do not play
enough. Even when they play they mean business or they have to have
expensive equipment, etc. They don't play as a child does. A child
can make play from anything. But, that's not what I want to address. What I have learned in classes, etc. is that whenever we are feeling pain, anxiety, anger, and especially fear, it is stemming from something that happened to us as a child. (Yes, it's true about joy and happiness also but most of us don't have a problem with experiencing those emotions.) The analogy is that we have many children inside of us. They are ourselves at the many different ages and stages of our life. If I am having an anxiety attack or fearful about something that my logical mind knows is really something small and easily fixable, the emotion is stemming from something that happened when I was a child or teen. It's that child that is having the anxiety. When I am able to figure out "which" child it is and why they felt that way, the anxiety lessens and goes away. We all have many fears, whether we acknowledge them or not, and I have been working at lessening the impact of those fears for a long time. Right now, at this time in my life, my biggest fear is financial. That's a tough one because it also represents the fear of not having enough, not enough money, health, happiness, time, love. It also represents not being enough. I am not enough. Talk about tough! I have worked so hard all my life to "be enough", be enough for my mother, be enough for my former husband, be enough for my children, be enough for my friends, be enough for myself. I feel I was the most successful at being enough for my children. I'm very proud of that. And there were some times I was able to be enough for the rest of those listed, except, for myself. I have never been able to be enough for myself. (I am again, sidetracked but that was a good aha moment for me. Thanks for listening.) During this work with my inner children and our fears, my healer said to have conversations with them, write to them and let "them" write back, and various other ways to work out the fears. I still find it difficult to do that but one day last summer I sat down by the river and wrote to them, to let them know we are in this together and that even though, many times in the past, there was no one to help them or comfort them, I am here now and will take care of them. Here is that letter: ************************ Hello My Girls, It's time I spoke with each of you. I've been neglecting you and I'm very sorry. I know that you hurt, I'm sorry and I love all of you very much. My beautiful little baby - my Spirit Star. You are so perfect. Look at you! All your toes and fingers, beautiful eyes, perfect baby body. You are straight from God and still so connected to Spirit, I can see it in your eyes. I can see your own spirit and a whole world of potential. You can do and be anything! I'm so sorry you weren't held and cuddled enough but I'm here now and will hold you and nurture you so you can feel safe. I love you so much . You are my baby and you will never feel alone or scared ever again. "All" of us are here for you and I am here and very present for all of you. And there's my toddler, aren't you something! My Sparkling Star and her beautiful twinkling smile. Walking and talking! Wanting to explore everywhere and everything. Still so new and still connected. Though there are times when you were made to forget your adventurous spirit. You were told "no" too many times and most times there wasn't even a reason for the "no". Your mother seemed to think you needed to be controlled. You are beginning to learn that, just as your "sisters" also realized it. I'm sorry you had to learn that. It was so good that your older siblings would help watch over you so that you held onto some of that adventurous spirit. I am now the one watching over you. We will now explore and learn together. I know you hurt. I love you. You were not a bad girl for doing the things you did. Everyone messes their pants as a child, makes messes around the house, spills milk, makes mistakes. Those things don't make a person BAD. Those were just mistakes. They happen so we can learn from them but we don't deserve to be spanked and verbally abused. You and I and all the "girls" will be making mistakes and we will learn from them, fix them if possible, shrug our shoulders, let them go, and move onto the next adventure. I will hold you and love you and be here for your forever. To my younger school girl, my shy-smiling, Elfin-spirit Star. You just love school. You love being away from home and with people that can see you. You still have that twinkle but you have learned that it's not always safe to let it out, so you keep it hidden much of the time. You have become afraid of doing the wrong thing, afraid of making a mistake. You try so hard to do and say the right things and are mortified to be laughed at when you do make mistakes. It hurts, I know. I am learning that it's okay to make mistakes, just as I told your "sister". Everyone does it. If no one ever made a mistake, no one would ever learn. Making mistakes provides us with the best lessons. I have learned that again myself just recently. Remember, we are all in this together and I will be taking care of you, holding you to my heart, loving you. We no longer need to be afraid of making mistakes! You are perfect as you are. We are perfect as we are. To my older school girl, Starlight. You are still so full of spirit but you don't let it show. You have learned to hide your light and that's such a shame. But, it was also very smart of you because it was a way to protect yourself. You can show it as much as you'd like now! You don't have to hide any longer. I accept and love you just the way you are right now. You are perfect. You are smart. You've learned to protect yourself. You have learned to use your imagination. You watch and learn from good and bad examples. You are learning how to be a good, loving, nurturing mother. Thank you for that. My sons have grown up to be such wonderful young men and much of it has been because of what you learned during these years. You are so much more than you think you are. I know that and eventually you will also. I am here for you, to nurture and hold you close. We will learn from each other. Starstuff, my teenager! You are beginning to re-learn that you have a lot of good qualities, though you don't recognize it except when you see it reflected through other people's eyes. You feel as if you are not worthy or worthwhile unless you had a best friend or boyfriend, who could truly see who you are. I know this because I still tend to feel this way. But!! Even though it's taking awhile I've learned I'm a good and worthwhile person and I try my hardest to remember that I don't need others to verify it. I am here to listen to you, love you, accept you, hold you. You learned so much through these years. I know it hurts that your mother doesn't seem to appreciate the person you are but that is her issue, not yours! We're going through this together, I see you, and I know you are wonderful! You are so smart and protected yourself, you held to your intuitions and gut instincts. You didn't rush to have sex but waited until you were older and it was the right time. You didn't drink before you were of legal age, you didn't smoke anything or take drugs. You got pretty good grades even though no one taught you how to study. Your siblings were too busy with their own family at this time and didn't have time to lead you through life. You learned and did all this on your own! You should be very proud. I know I am very proud of you. I love you and will always be here for you. We're in this together, girls, and always will be. We've done great so far and will do even better. We WILL reach our dreams. We ARE reaching our dreams and for the stars. We all deserve the very best of everything and it's on its way. I love you! Me ********************** I realize that I truly needed to put this here and hear it again at this moment. Thank you for listening. Wishing you Love, Light, and Laughter! From: Starstuff, Starlight, Elfin-spirit Star, Sparkling Star, and Spirit Star. Comments (4)
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